7:49 PM | Posted in
I am going to attempt to do my first liveblog of primary election results.

7:52pm (Predictions)

United States Senate:
  • Al Franken wins DFL primary but is forced to admit that Priscilla Lord Faris really did scare the hell out of him with her powerful insurgency through the Brodkorb blog.
  • Norm Coleman wins Republican primary.
  • Dean Barkley wins Independence primary.
6th Congressional District:
  • Aubrey Immelman wins an upset over Michele Bachmann after voters completely forget that she was even our representative.
  • Elwyn Tinklenberg wins but concedes that his non-existent challenger was a tough campaigner.
Senate District 16:
  • Mark Olson wins after traveling the district throwing bibles at any Krueger supporter trying to vote.
8:05 pm: ALL races still too close to call or no one showed up and we are totally screwed!

8:09 pm: Oh my GOD, Norm Coleman is totally going to lose!

8:12 pm: Congratulations, Aubrey Immelman! He got 50 votes...

8:14 pm: Norm Coleman is under 90%. Brodkorb is sweating bullets right now. Also, Priscilla Lord Faris is in the 35% range.

8:20 pm: Anytime now we will be hearing the concession speech from Elwyn Tinklenberg as he is currently garnering only 100% of the vote. I am watching a Priscilla Lord Faris ad right now. Don't you think its a little late for that one?

8:26 pm: State of the Senate Race. So, Mr. Williams, how is that Independence Party endorsement working out for you?

8:34 pm: While Aubrey Immelman is only garnering 13% of the vote, we still have yet to see returns from the crucial sympathetic to vagrant hitchhiker precincts!

8:39 pm: My biggest concern right now is that Bill Dahn only has 59 votes in a statewide race. Doesn't he have any family in the state? I could garner that much with just my mother's side of the family. Poor guy...

8:42 pm: The first numbers from SD 16. Concede Mark, CONCEDE!

9:07 pm: OMG, Bachmann just posted a vote total of all 6's. hmmmm.

9:20 pm: Dean Barkley with only 62% of the vote! Obviously, a vote of no confidence. Norm Coleman with less than 100% of the vote! Again, no confidence. Al Franken with 69% of the vote! Obviously, a sexual innuendo. That SICKO.

9:28 pm: Krueger leading Olson 55% to 44%! This ballot has got to be rigged because NO ONE beats God's Representative.

9:45 pm: How much longer can this go on and still have me interested? not much longer...

9:53 pm: State of the race in SD16 (Can Olson recover from this deficit?)
10:15 pm: I am going to bed assuming the following things
  1. Norm Coleman won but given his inability to unify the Republican Party around him he is doomed.
  2. Dean Barkley won even though he was running against 6,000 other candidates.
  3. Al Franken won but, well, who cares...
  4. The people of the 6th District are clearly voting FOR Michele Bachmann to keep her from coming back to the district.
  5. Alison Krueger defeated God's obvious endorsed candidate. The endtimes are near...
  6. The people that voted for perennial candidate, Bruno Gad, need to stop voting because they clearly don't have the mental capacity to participate in our system of government.


2 responses to "Primary Liveblog: Riddled With Sarcasm And Fallacy..."

  1. Anonymous On September 10, 2008 at 7:49 AM

    When I checked the SOS website, Bachmann had the total of 6666. I am glad you got a screen shot of it.

  2. eric zaetsch On September 10, 2008 at 2:28 PM

    I voted and waited for the morning results. I had two surprises - Mary Ann Kiefer as second general election ciandiate along with Jeff Wise, City of Ramsey city council - although I know everyone was watching that race and I probably needn't comment.

    The other the non-spousal abuser winning, 16. And a third, same area, Kiffmeyer 16B beating nobody in opposition. I expected nobody to do better, to pull an upset, hopefully.