Liberal in the Land of Conservative

Let me be clear, I am NOT suggesting that this image is the visual representation of the current Republican Party. I would NEVER suggest that their party is so far out of the mainstream that to any regular person their appearance is jarring and perhaps somewhat comical. There is certainly NO correlation between the blank vapid stare of this woman and the empty black hole that is the Republican Party. Once again, I am not suggesting anything of the sort and anyone reading some deeper meaning into this image is OBVIOUSLY not reading the carefully worded disclaimer associated with the image!

I received a package in the mail this week with a horse head in it! My only conclusion is that a certain bovine blogger from the 1st Congressional District didn't appreciate my gentle ribbing of Representative Tim Walz last week. Now I am not usually swayed by people who dislike what I write but cows scare the HELL out of me so this week I have taken a different tact:

Representative Tim Walz did the MOST AMAZING thing this week! He systematically saved health care, education, agriculture, and the economy ALL BY HIMSELF. To top it off he is graciously returning his entire income and will live in a small sod shack near the Washington Monument. I am also quite certain that he can fly and shoot laser beams from his eyes.

So I read this title, 'How I Spent Friday The 13th', and excitedly click assuming I will be reading a fantistical story of surviving unfortunate events or slaying evil doers or even winning some fabulous prize coupled with analysis on the mythology of the 13th as an unlucky day. What do I get? Some boring crap about how Republicans are wrong. Why are always so shocked about this? Haven't we solidified that theory into a law yet?

Let me get this straight, we "allowed" an entire group of people to settle here in Minnesota? I was always under this weird delusion that people had freedom of movement and could thus live wherever they pleased. I really wish someone would have informed me that we could systematically tell an ethnic group that they can't live here because those damn Norwegians are really causing problems. Ain't bigotry grand!

ALERT! Michele Bachmann said something dumb. In other news, the sun still rises, the tides still come in and out, and the mail continues to be delivered.

Oops, apparently it was more than one dumb thing. Give the Congresswoman some credit, she is nothing if not consistent.

Just so you people are clear, liberal indoctrination in schools is both scary and wrong. However, conservative indoctrination is super cool and needs to be celebrated. Quick question though: if this guy gave this exact same speech during a Republican administration, would he be labelled an Anti-American traitor?

Really? Gay marriage will SAVE the economy? I am all for hyperbole and sometimes even refer to myself as Mr. Hyperbole but this is a logical leap of epic proportions. Don't you people realize that the economy is straight and a fundamentalist Christian to boot?

The award for most mind numbingly obvious statement of the week goes to our good friends at Fraters Libertas for this gem: "With President Barack Obama in office the Democrats control the White House". It must have taken some real journalistic skill and investigatory time to uncover that one. In other news, with Tim Pawlenty in office the Republicans control the Governors Office!

I get it, so this is who the right was talking about when they said that some Obama supporters had an unhealthy obsession with him. The President is good and all but do you really have to ramble on as if writing in your diary about the crush you have on a boy?

You go Republicans! You throw those bastard moderates right out of the party. Who needs to be in a simple minority? Go for the big prize, the always influential super minority. Say, maybe Ron Carey could do for you nationally what he has done for the Republican Party here in Minnesota.

Dear Gavin Sullivan, Ashwin Madia LOST! Could you PLEASE let it go! Somebody call an intervention...

Do I want the latest data and research on why public schools suck? OBVIOUSLY, because there is no organization out there I trust more to provide objective data than one called Alliance For School Choice. Perhaps next week I will find data and research from the AFL-CIO on how unions are super awesome!

An answer to Lake Minnetonka Liberty: YES! Let me tell you why: not because of any wish or desire to be a socialist but for the simple reason that it infuriates those like you. That's right, I am happy we are all socialists now for no other reason than spite.

The Admiral had an admirable week so let us sum up his stellar postings:

So you spent countless hours finding, splicing together, and uploading videos that only a handful of people actually viewed or give two hoots about? Man you are dumber than I thought!

Note to readers: I have NEVER claimed that this tripe is worth your time. Hell, I barely read the crap I write...

Come on, can't we keep the bridge named after a 16th century conquistador whose travels through the southeastern United States brought pestilence and the destruction of vast numbers of native peoples? Damn liberal hippies and your need to make amends with the past!

So this Two Putt Tommy (obviously some veiled reference) character is out pimping some Crown Hydro Project. OBVIOUSLY an eco-liberal buying into this renewable clean energy nonsense. It's a good thing those conservatives on the Minneapolis Park Board are adamantly opposed to the whole thing.

Note to self: NEVER become so obsessed with labels and the use of those labels that you lose your mind entirely.

Is there some fake Abe Lincoln running around tricking people that I am currently not aware of? Anyway, thanks for clearing up the confusion I guess.

Seriously, you need to start putting a little blip of explanation into these things because I am now under the impression that REALLY expensive red ink looks like three women and a some random guy. So confused, so very very confused...

I get that you are bitter and I get that you perhaps want news organizations to report the world primarily as YOU see it. However, I have to wonder how you make the logical leap from Barack Obama (nice use of the middle name, by the way, it really is starting to make me think he is a Muslim) hitting his head to him being a liar. Just a little curious...

BEWARE, if you are ever in a gun fight with Andy Aplikowski it will not be the chest area that you need worry about. Either he is really good and will shoot you in your crotch or he is really bad and now you have bullets in your crotch!

YOU SAID THAT! Andy, you are the funniest person in the world. That you took that wrong number and made what to most people would be the most obvious comment is simply priceless. You truly are a state treasure...

Well folks, its all over for me. Why, you ask? It's simple really, because when Mitch Berg labels you "not so bright" you are immediately shunned from all society. Certainly there is no way to recover from this proverbial kiss of death. As I understand things, Berg makes or breaks you as a blogger in the state nay, the WORLD! Incidentally, Mitch, I couldn't agree more about the Sarah Palin thing. We liberals seeth at the thought of how conservative Palin could battle her way to the highest office in a conservative state. Honestly, there really is no higher pinnacle than that of Governor of Alaska and we are so angry we didn't get there first. We are also particularly angry at her amazing ability to read EVERY news source available in the world today and her ability to thwart the Russian invasions of Alaska.

Here are the two things I learned from skimming this week:

If one party is making stuff up, then you simply need to make up BIGGER stuff. Why? Perhaps they are looking for a friendly neighborhood game of hyperbole. If they question saving the salt marsh mouse, then you come back reminding them that this particular mouse has the ability to cure cancer and why are they opposed to curing cancer. This is basic politics people...

Yes, what if we sent a letter demanding our freedom to continue the current economic death spiral? What if we want our county to live in economic peril? Joblessness makes you FREE!

Now I am neither a mathematician nor an economist but I have to wonder if this particular list refutes a consensus. Perhaps you need to look up the word consensus...

ALERT! ALERT! Drew Emmer doesn't like President Obama. I never would have guessed that in a MILLION years.